Good-bye, Grandma!

Shortly after I posted my blog yesterday, my mom called to let me know that my grandmother had passed away during the night.

I thought I was prepared. I thought I had reconciled long ago to letting her go. I mean, she was really gone for some time already. But, I still cried. I still thought about the world being without her. Last night I thought, "This is the first night of my life that my grandma wasn't part of my living universe." It gave me a strange, lonely feeling.

I am leaving in about a week to attend her funeral. My mom scheduled the funeral for after Christmas, so we all wouldn't associate the holiday with Grandma's death. I don't know if that is possible. I think I will always associate it with the beginning of my winter break.

Christmas is a big holiday in my family. I love it too, but the big expectations make for a big let down when its all over. I have always hated going back to work after the celebrations and time off. That jolt back to reality is always a slap in the face.

There is part of me that feels comfort in the getting back to normal. The return of regularity so to speak.

I think I feel that way about saying good-bye to Grandma. I want and need to do it, but I can't wait for the return to the normal routine. There's some guilt for you.